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Ozzy Osbourne was born in the blackest pits
of Hell (Birmingham, England). Cursed with a particularly evil case of
dyslexia, from a young age the Prince of Darkness was drawn to such dark
arts as "The Pirates of Penzance" and The Beatles. Osbourne formed a band
with acquaintances Geezer Butler, Tommy Iommi, and Bill Ward. This would
eventually become the original lineup of Black Sabbath. They quickly noticed
that fans enjoyed being frightened, and so their music adopted more sinister
sounds and themes. The decision to turn to the dark side brought Sabbath
almost overnight success, as even without much support from their
recordlabel the early albums were hits.
To say that Osbourne's relationship with Sabbath and the rest of its members
was rocky would be an understatement. Even among a heavy metal band infamous
for its substance abuse, Ozzy's reckless self-endangerment got him fired not
once, but twice from the band. Undaunted, he launched a solo career that
would propel him to even greater success, spanning the eighties and nineties
and spawning numerous rock classics like "Crazy Train" and "Bark at the
Moon."
It wasn't just about the music - Ozzy's persona on and off the stage was a
spectacle to behold. In 1981 he famously bit the head off a live dove while
meeting with record executives. Allegedly, Osbourne originally intended to
release doves as a sign of the peace he wished to make with his label, but
is that really that much less crazy? A year later, he bit the head off a bat
during a concert, later claiming he thought it was rubber. However, given
his existing track record of orally decapitating winged animals, his
explanation rung a bit hollow.
Later, in 2002, Ozzy's career would stage a resurgence through that most
evil of entertainment institutions - reality television. "The Osbournes," a
reality television show depicting the day to day horrors of life in the
Osbourne household, revealed Ozzie as an affable and ineffectual family man,
occasionally cowed by his strong-willed children and supported by his
surprisingly intelligent wife Sharon.
While the rest of the clan has gone on to become minor celebrities in their
own right, Ozzy to date has refused to watch a single episode of the show,
claiming he was high during the entirety of filming. These days, you can see
him being upstaged by Justin Beiber in Pepsi commercials. What would your
dark lord have to say about that, Ozzy?
The original name for Ozzy's solo project was the "Blizzard of
Ozz,"employing the darkest and most brutal naming trope of all time - the
pun. In honor of the Prince of Darkness, why not make your own version of a
refreshing summertime classic. After all, it does get pretty hot in Hell. We
suggest pairing it with the brilliant documentary
God Bless Ozzy Osbourne
(2011) which features
interviews with Paul McCartney,
Tommy Lee, and others. |
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