May 22

Naomi Campbell's Birthday
 


In the March 3, 2011 edition of Gossipbeast, there was an article titled “
Naomi Campbell Continues to Bitch Slap Her Way Through Life."  The article stated that ” According to police sources Naomi roughed up 27-year-old Miodrag Mejdina, then ran from the scene at E. 58th St. and Second Ave. Tuesday afternoon…This is 2198473723633883 beat down administered by Naomi. In 2008, she pleaded guilty to assaulting a pair of police officers during a bitch spasm at Heathrow Airport. The previous year, a maid was on the receiving end of a cell phone to the head. In that case, Naomi plead guilty and was sentenced to anger management classes and community service."

Although Gossipbeast's estimate of 2198473723633883 bitch slap incidents is hopefully exaggerated, between 1998 and 2008, Naomi was accused ten times of committing acts of violence against employees, associates, and, in one instance, police officers. In  2000, she pleaded guilty in Toronto to assaulting her personal assistant Georgina Galanis with a cell phone. Their reference to the Heathrow incident happened in 2008 when she spat at the officers following an argument about her lost luggage for which she was sentenced to 200 hours of community service  fined $4,600, and  was banned for life from British Airways.

She has had a series of interesting collection of boyfriends including Robert De Niro ,Tommy Lee, Eddie Murphy, Mike Tyson,. Formula One racing head Flavio Briatore,  and U2’s Adam Clayton. But they may not been into slapsex, with the exception of Mike Tyson.

Naomi is also quick to files lawsuits when she is offended. She threatened Kraft Food's Cadbury division in March 2011 with a lawsuit for their advertisement for Bliss chocolate which she considered racist. The ad described the chocolate as a "dreamy chocolate truffle,"  and featured a Bliss chocolate bar on a mound of diamonds with the slogan -  "Move over Naomi, there's a new diva in town." The ad was designed to recall Naomi receiving blood diamonds from Liberian leader Charles Taylor in 1997.  Britain's advertising watchdog, Advertising Standards Authority, stated it would take no action against Kraft over the alleged racist ad it since it was "likely to be understood to refer to Naomi Campbell's reputation for 'diva-style' behavior rather than her race. On this basis the council decided that the ad was unlikely to be seen as racist or to cause serious or widespread offence."

But that made the authors of this book concerned that, with the featured recipe for Naomi's birthday, she might consider suing us for implying that she is a bitch.  However, we believe, like many of the men she has dated, including Mike Tyson and Robert De Niro, that she is a goddess. And it is a seldom reported fact that the etymological origin of the word bitch is based on the goddess Artemis, goddess of the hunt,  who was one of the most widely venerated of the ancient Greek deities. Artemis also had anger management issues and occasionally turned herself into a dog and was often called the Great Bitch. Her hunting priestesses were the "sacred bitches" who chased, killed, and consumed boar-gods and stag-gods like Phorcis or Actaeon.  So, to the early Christians, "son of a bitch" meant a devil worshipper-that is, a pagan devotee of the goddess.

So for Naomi's birthday, the two sons of bitches who wrote this book, will toast our goddess with a Bitch Slap Cocktail while we watch her cameo in
To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar (1995) as the girl at in the China Bowl restaurant.
 

Bitch Slap Cocktail

 

Ingredients
 
2 oz Jagermeister herbal liqueur
6 oz Welch's grape soda

Instructions
 

Combine ingredients together in a cocktail shaker half-filled with ice cubes. Shake well, strain over ice in an in an old-fashioned glass, and serve.

© 2011 Gordon Nary and Tyler Stokes